I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
