girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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