My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
time to smoke my breakfast
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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