I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
