i was born a porn star she said
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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