There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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