Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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