remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
