whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
