Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
