everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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