i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
