I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
im on a boat
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