By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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