I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
