I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
