I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
