She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
