well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
