i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
