Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
