scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
