Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
