True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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