Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
