We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
