i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So squirting runs in the family.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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