I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
