it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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