There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
