i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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