My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
