remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
