no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We need to get me chipped asap
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
