Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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