i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
