Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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