doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we should paint friendship bongs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
