So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
