if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
