dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
