I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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