Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
