I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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