Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
