neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
