On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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