it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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