i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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