I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
