the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I will pee on everything he values.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
