I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
